John Cleese faces a costly divorce from his third wife which could see him hand over two homes, half his earnings and maintenance of almost £1 million a year.
Run away, run away!
The Monty Python star and Alyce Faye Eichelberger Cleese announced in January that they were separating amicably after 15 years of marriage.
Amicable divorce = wife says she still likes you as a friend and says she just wants you to both go your separate ways and make a clean break, and then - at the earliest opportunity - sends her beserker lawyer to stampede forth wearing a sharpened titanium-tipped strap-on dildo aimed at your bank account's bumhole.
Lawyers also asked for half his income going back to 1992, the year of their marriage, and annual maintenance.
Surely he's technically paid her half (probably more, given that women control most of the spending power in marriages) of his income since they were married? I guess he's got to pay twice over for the, ahem, honour of marrying this greedy bint. And annual maintenance too? Gee, there was me thinking women were strong and empowered and able to support themselves. I guess not.
The guy is two-years shy of seventy and he's facing having to support an ex-wife. Say goodbye to retirement plans.
Mrs Eichelberger Cleese, an American-born psychotherapist, is famous for her work in psychoanalysis with children and was a pupil of Anna Freud, the psychoanalyst and daughter of Sigmund Freud.
Wow, an educational and occupational history in psychology; the hardest and most well-respected of sciences! Snigger.
She is also the author of the book How to Manage your Mother.
And the soon to be published How To Fuck Over Your Husband.
John Cleese will probably be okay. He's rich. He'll be fucked over but, like Paul McCartney, he'll be okay. However, how many non-celebrity 68-year-old guys - just retired from an office/factory job - would be 'okay' if their wife wanted half his income backdated to their wedding day, plus maintenance? Not many. And this case doesn't even have to take into account Child Support.
The only fool-proof divorce self-defence tactic for men is to not get married in the first damn fucking place.
I just wish Paul McCartney, Ray Parlour, John Cleese and other big-time losers in the divorce courts would at least step forwards and write articles, appear on chatshows, or fucking something to highlight how badly they've been fucked over. Women celebs host press-conferences and write autobiographies on how they broke a nail or battled with bulimia or some other yawn-inspiring (except to women, who lap this gushing 'martyrdom' up) moaning.
These guys should at least throw caution to the wind and publicly denounce on prime-time television their bitch-whore greedy cunt ex-wives, rage against the divorce courts, declare modern marriage to be a scam that benefits greedy bloody women and - probably whilst, at this point, being hauled off by the police live on air - urge all men not to marry. Fuck being stoic, cause a scene!