Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Don't mention the Divorce!

John Cleese's divorce could cost two homes and £1m a year

John Cleese faces a costly divorce from his third wife which could see him hand over two homes, half his earnings and maintenance of almost £1 million a year.

Run away, run away!

The Monty Python star and Alyce Faye Eichelberger Cleese announced in January that they were separating amicably after 15 years of marriage.

Amicable divorce = wife says she still likes you as a friend and says she just wants you to both go your separate ways and make a clean break, and then - at the earliest opportunity - sends her beserker lawyer to stampede forth wearing a sharpened titanium-tipped strap-on dildo aimed at your bank account's bumhole.

Lawyers also asked for half his income going back to 1992, the year of their marriage, and annual maintenance.

Surely he's technically paid her half (probably more, given that women control most of the spending power in marriages) of his income since they were married? I guess he's got to pay twice over for the, ahem, honour of marrying this greedy bint. And annual maintenance too? Gee, there was me thinking women were strong and empowered and able to support themselves. I guess not.

The guy is two-years shy of seventy and he's facing having to support an ex-wife. Say goodbye to retirement plans.

Mrs Eichelberger Cleese, an American-born psychotherapist, is famous for her work in psychoanalysis with children and was a pupil of Anna Freud, the psychoanalyst and daughter of Sigmund Freud.

Wow, an educational and occupational history in psychology; the hardest and most well-respected of sciences! Snigger.

She is also the author of the book How to Manage your Mother.

And the soon to be published How To Fuck Over Your Husband.

John Cleese will probably be okay. He's rich. He'll be fucked over but, like Paul McCartney, he'll be okay. However, how many non-celebrity 68-year-old guys - just retired from an office/factory job - would be 'okay' if their wife wanted half his income backdated to their wedding day, plus maintenance? Not many. And this case doesn't even have to take into account Child Support.

The only fool-proof divorce self-defence tactic for men is to not get married in the first damn fucking place.

I just wish Paul McCartney, Ray Parlour, John Cleese and other big-time losers in the divorce courts would at least step forwards and write articles, appear on chatshows, or fucking something to highlight how badly they've been fucked over. Women celebs host press-conferences and write autobiographies on how they broke a nail or battled with bulimia or some other yawn-inspiring (except to women, who lap this gushing 'martyrdom' up) moaning.

These guys should at least throw caution to the wind and publicly denounce on prime-time television their bitch-whore greedy cunt ex-wives, rage against the divorce courts, declare modern marriage to be a scam that benefits greedy bloody women and - probably whilst, at this point, being hauled off by the police live on air - urge all men not to marry. Fuck being stoic, cause a scene!


Anonymous said...

I had a moment of going batshit against a female in the mall two days ago. Maybe it wasn't one of my finest hours but it went like this, some bitch came up to me and asked me what time it was, so I asked her "What's wrong, your tiffany watch broke?" Her mouth opened up like she was in shock so I yelled, "FUCK OFF PRINCESS!" Walked away after that, not sure if she said anything in retort. Got into some trouble with the mall security though, they ended up coming into the book store I walked into. Was checking to see when they could get me a book I want on sculpting in polymer clay -- normally i'll just have ship it to me, I wanted to do some walking around in the mall just to break the tedium of a boring day. The security guards wanted to know what the fuss was about. Nothing like having to say, just didn't feel like being a walking watch for someone, I was a bit irratated at this but what the heck, just rent a cops of the non-crotch gash type. Don't think I felt bad either, was kind of fun to do. Though, i'm not sure if that was a lame attempt to start small talk with me or what, I just am not receptive to many people, especially ones with crotch gashes who can't simply go to the nice middle part of the mall that has the pretty fountains and huge clock that was only about 30 or so steps away. Dumb broad, did I look like a walking big ben to her?

Captain Zarmband said...

So, if his wife wants half of John Cleese's earnings since they married presumably he should demand half of her earings for the same period? Hmmm....never seems to work like that does it? So much for EQUALITY! These cases should act as a beacon of enlightenment for all men in revealing what women are all about when it comes to relationships. For women it's all about money....pure and simple. Run a mile boys.

Martin said...

I don't ever feel sorry for stupid men that marry or let a woman live with them. I tell you want, telling a woman you have your own home is better than telling her you've got a 9 inch cock.

They see the £ signs flashing before themselves.

At least in the animal world you can understand why parasites exist.

Anonymous said...

deadlynightshade: I'd say you went off the deep end. I don't know your story, but if you are a bachelor, then chatting up some random female should be no stress, no matter how flimsy the pretext.

I am an agreeable bachelor, probably because I don't have any fear of a wife getting bored or cheating, or having to "find herself", taking with her my dreams of retirement from the corporate rat race.

Anonymous said...

Time to find myself a good hooker. I'll save money in the long-run.

Anonymous said...

Robin Williams now going through a Divorce himself. Puts it this way. "Divorce from the Latin meaning to extract a Man's Wallets through His Testacles via his backside".

Yeah another Ass Raping. I see Star Jones is involved with a NBA Player and is Divorcing after a whole 3.5 years. And Women wonder why Men have given up on marriage??

Hmh said...

Don't be stoic - cause a scene. FUCK ME, WHY HAS IT TAKEN THIS LONG FOR A MAN TO SAY THIS?

My uncle got fucked over in a surprise divorce. My colleague got fucked over big time by an ex-wife who alleged abuse and took him to the cleaners. My friend got done by a lying bitch who had him turned out of his own place by the cops with the clothes on his back.

Yet virtually nobody knows their stories. Unless you're in the immediate family, a close personal friend, or included in the female gossip circle, you don't hear a damn thing.

Are they embarrassed? Are they ashamed? Why are men not prepared to stand up and say anything?

Anonymous said...

Any man who gets married THREE times is an idiot and a fool, and deserves what he gets. It sounds harsh, but I've been counseling men for nigh onto twenty years, and there are two types of men- bachelors and manginas. (Gay men are not a separate category- they're manginas as well.)

Pure and simple.

You can NOT reach the manginas, as they are destined to be slaves to women as long as women can squeeze them economically. They are hopeless, and it's a waste of time trying to warn them. The vast majority of men fall into this category. You can not rescue or educate a mangina.

Those of us who are bachelors can simply learn from their self-imposed misery, and avoid being sucked into the Matriarchal process.

Christopher in Oregon

Anonymous said...

That was his THIRD wife!!!!

Is there any limit to madness?


Woman with an opinion said...

deadlynightshade said...
I had a moment of going batshit against a female in the mall two days ago. Maybe it wasn't one of my finest hours but it went like this, some bitch came up to me and asked me what time it was, so I asked her "What's wrong, your tiffany watch broke?" Her mouth opened up like she was in shock so I yelled, "FUCK OFF PRINCESS!"

All of that just for asking the time? Are you really proud of that? Some guys go off to war and are proud of surviving the brutalities of it. But you are happy about telling a woman off whose only crime was:

A. Not noticing the clock.
B. Thought you were attractive and simply wanted any excuse to talk to you (yes, women do that).
C. You were the first person she noticed with a watch.

But I guess you should feel happy about this. It was only a woman, right? Can't wait to hear your story about saying the same to the 6'5 300 bouncer type.

As for John Cleese, this is his third wife, correct? Perhaps he should have stuck with the first one or remained unmarried.

Anonymous said...

It is important to understand exactly what this judgement means. It means that from the day a man gets married, every penny he earns creates an indebtedness to his wife. The more he earns, the more indebted he becomes. Earn a million, you now owe half a million to your wife. Even if she has already spent the whole of it - as she probably has. The longer this charade called marriage goes on, the more you owe her; and the harder you work to earn more money, the heavier the financial millstone you are slinging round your neck. Regardless of whether she has an income of her own, or whether she spends all day sitting on her well-larded fanny watching TV, or "maxing out" your credit card (which I gather is the latest terminology used by these parasites) at the local mall.

And she is entitled to cash in her credit balance at any time of her choosing, at which point you have to stump up the whole bill.

They never told you that when you walked down the aisle, did they? You didn't hear the words "I now pronounce you financial slave and profiteering wife". But you should have done.

Getting married today makes about as much sense for a man as putting his goolies in the blender and flicking on the switch.

You hear that sound? It's women laughing their heads off.

Paul Parmenter

Anonymous said...

There is a Website call Men are Better than Women. I feel a better title would be Women are Filth!

Anonymous said...

At the age of approximately 27 women go insane when they have no children.

My husband and I had been college sweethearts, married at 25. My baby lust started up suddenly when I was 27 or 28.

Still, he wasn't ready for children of his own. He said, "Not yet," and "Not at this point, honey," and "You, of all people, know I'm not ready."

Then one night, I dreamed that I was a single mother, and happy. The next day, when I told my therapist about it, she surprised me by saying, "Have you thought of raising a child on your own before?" Before? I'd never thought of it at all. It was only a dream.

Nevertheless, I almost skipped down the sidewalk after that session. Until she'd mentioned single motherhood, I had never considered it. Now the idea was planted in me, germinating. And this idea, too: that whatever I wanted didn't require my husband. So I left him.

In the first six months, the only time I gave my status much thought was when I applied for a passport for my daughter. In the box on the form for the father's name, I wrote "none." The clerk at the crowded post office couldn't fathom it. "Every child has a father!" she kept insisting. Finally, I shouted back, "Well, mine has a sperm donor!" The room fell silent.

There was a time, when people married they never used any drugs reducing fertility. Children were automatic.

Anonymous said...

Women have suffered a lot over the years. Women have been forced to become maids and caretakers, even when they weren't so inclined. They've been discriminated against and forced out of the workplace, and prevented from doing jobs they're interested in because they're women.

Women have been beaten and abused by the men in their lives - fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. Women have been raped and killed, both by men they know, and by maurading strangers.

Women have put up with a LOT to ensure the survival of the species.

Now that medical technology has advanced to the point that genetically engineered children are possible, would it be ethical to create men who aren't dominant and abusive?

What would be the effects of this on society?

schwing said...

Cleese is not happy. A friend says:

"He finds it embarrassing that he has been dragged into one of those horrible Hollywood divorces. He thinks the whole thing is very unBritish. He simply can't believe that Alyce is behaving like this. When he is not fuming over it, he actually finds it quite amusing because the whole thing is so surreal."

Now where have I heard that before?

Deansdale said...

I think the divorce laws weren't so f*cked up when he divorced his first 2 wives, that's why he had a third :)

McThree said...

Yeah, EB you should definitely check it out. Its a riot.

Anonymous said...

I tend to agree that a fiend asking what time it was, instead of using some of her large luxury bill to buy a $15 Casio watch, is not the hill to die on.

At the same time, most non-mangina men are well aware that women view all males as an 'assistance commodity'. Any problem, no matter how large or small, just accost the closest-man slave and tell him what he is supposed to do for you, because he is a man and you are a woman.

Don't know what time it is? Ask the nearest man; he is supposed to know, because unlike highly important women, he has nothing else to do but know what time it is, in case a woman wants to know.

All of this is called Future Shock. That is when society is changing so fast some people simply can't keep up with the changes, emotionally or socially.

For all millennium, men have sacrificed themselves, even to their lives, for the benefit of women. For forty years of man-hating feminism, women assumed men would always continue to put the comfort and convenience of women at the highest personal priority, even as women kicked men in the groin and than laughed at his pain.

So, when someone like DNS treats women pretty much like they treat men, they are horrified. Well, sports fans, that's the way it's going to be. The dearies suffer from future shock. Too bad.

Anonymous age 66

Martin said...

Hey Duncan. You have got to check out this story in the Daily Mail. Here's a little quote.

"...While the survey showed that young women notch up as many sexual conquests as men, the survey found that they are really looking for a "romantic, hard-working man who is not afraid to commit..."

Yer, fucking right bitches. So some poor bastard can flog himslef to death whilst you sit on your ever increasing arse size watching Trisha.

Fuck off bitches..

Anonymous said...

Two more mental midgets, both whose emotions control what little intellect they possess.

And, that alcohol again rears its ugly head, akin to the babe the unconstrained allowed to enter his bed who arises the next morning, turns to the male and asks, "Do you love me?" Prying open one eye the male stares in horror, aghast at what he allowed to touch him, to share friction with....and, with a scream of utter revulsion runs out of the room praying to any and all deities that he wore a condom, unable to remember through his alcohol-hazed brain if he donned the device.

Rolling over, wondering if that man willing to bed her impregnated her, visions of a spawn and a man with money, dreams of a life of leisure, thinking about the romance and regality of a wedding her friends would talk of for years, with nary a thought of what she can offer the male, the female slowly hauls her much-used porcine-like bloated body out of the bed and commences dressing... wondering if this case of STD will be as easy to cure as the last one.

Half-way down the block the male glances down and espies his male member waving to the passing public. Shrieking again, the lonesome loser, unable to control his primal urges, willing to bed anything close to a female just to sate his desires, dashes back to his beloved bachelor pad, hoping the Medusa-like vision of pure ugliness has departed,

While running back, his hand over the best, most intelligent aspect of himself, the lad envisions returning to a house with a female, albeit a butt-ugly one, in the process of cooking a warm, tasty, nutritious breakfast while she hums a ditty, delighted to be performing a simple task that might be so enjoyed by the man willing to pay her some attention.

Rushing through the door reality strikes our boyish buffoon as he sees the broad draped over a kitchen chair, chin on palm, envisioning bright shiny baubles such as diamonds and sundry jewels she so rightfully deserves merely by being a female and for having spread her pimpled thighs and allowing that male to enter her pleasure palace, the only gift she needs to occasionally bestow while receiving so much in return. She IS a type of 'Princess," so she thinks, and worthy of everything that comes her way... and more.

Breathing heavily (the broad believing those gasping heaves caused by her presence and the man's incredible lust for her) after the mad dash impelled and compelled from viewing the horrid creature he saw upon awakening, the boy-man croaked, "Hey, did I wear a condom last night?" "I don't remember," the husky-voiced broad belched.

In the morning light our two blithering idiots who allowed their most basic instincts to over-ride what little logic flitted within their minuscule brains stared at each other. And stare. And stare.

Suddenly, the female blurts..."Well, are you going to take me out for breakfast?" Despite the wee bit of male instinct that suggests he demand the female get to work at the stove and make them both some vittles, the man-boy feels compelled to kow-tow to yet another female.

Our not-so-heroic male asks where wants to eat. Of course, the broad blares out the name of the most expensive place in town. The not-rich gent assents and both prepare themselves to appear in public.

This scenario is assuredly repeated a multitude of times across the USA, especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings. The details likely change but the general incidents share similarities.

The end result of these hormonally-driven couplings do lead to marriages.... and many of them are likely at least partially similar to the opening story in this thread.

Two idiots meeting. Two idiots swapping bacteria and viruses. Two idiots exchanging vows that the couple's feeble minds are unable to truly comprehend about the ramifications and permutations of marriage.

Emotionally immature and more akin to children than adults.

One can only hope that such buffoons never spawn. For the sake of the kid(s) and society.

Wimmen'. As a realist knows, you can't live with 'em and you can live without 'em.

Just allow your big head to out-think your little one.

Anonymous said...

With no car you are a looooooooser!!
Thank God I have none.

A car makes a boy a man. It's an extension of himself. Beyond getting from A to B, boys want to get girls. Pretty basic.

My 17-year-old daughter says that guys in her school who have cars compared with guys who don't automatically are branded mature and manly. The girls want to be seen with guys and cars. It boosts every-one's value and status.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious!!

Dick Masterson:

He really does not give a rats ass on other peoples opinion. I cannot fully agree with him, though.

Anonymous said...

No i'm not a bachelor, there is a little ring on my left ring finger that should hint any small talking skank to piss off. And no I don't have a watch on my wrist and my cellphone was in my pocket not being used at any point or visible. So cunt with a quiff, oops, cunt with an opinion, oops again, broad with an opinion, FUCK OFF, does this look like an open invite for cunts to congrate?

As far as working till I am stuck into the ground goes, I don't fear death, I am under no illusion of immortality this body isn't capable of such.

While i'm thinking of it, when I was in my 20s, I always enjoyed working long hard hours. I never was invited to "party" with the broads simply because they didn't like me (because some skank who knew me in the 2nd grade, yadda yadda yadda) and I was "so not them." Matter of fact, "so not them" that they had good times sicking their current fuck pal on me or threatening to do so. Now that I am older, can earn any amount of money that is required and I do so at my whim. If I was not married, I still wouldn't give these women around me the time of day and the only pleasentry they'd ever get from me would be an acknowledgement after they said, "thank you for shopping at _____, have a nice day and come again" would be, "you too." I keep my chatter to a minium with these skanks. No telling what drugs course through their skanked out veins.

Anonymous said...

Hey Duncan, here's my new illustrated article

Anonymous said...

anon @ 29 April 2008 05:30,

Does your 17 year old daughter understand that any douchebag can own a car and that doesn't make him a man either. Most of those skanks that gravitate towards those douchebags with cars will end up about 6 or 8 years after high school is over wondering what happened to them while they are forced to fend for not only themselves but a few little shits from those douchebags. Well, they won't have to do it alone just yet since tax saps like me who end up getting hosed for $4,500+ a year pay for that crap.

Anonymous said...

Too many cunts posting to this blog...

Faustus said...

Reality, I dig your now 4 full-length pages of spot-on truth as to the perils of our fucked up western femmie wasteland. Thanks for piecing together this conglomeration of material for all of us. It takes a large portion of time, which I admittedly do not have quite the patience for.

Woman With An Opinion said...

Blogger deadlynightshade said...

"No i'm not a bachelor, there is a little ring on my left ring finger that should hint any small talking skank to piss off. And no I don't have a watch on my wrist and my cellphone was in my pocket not being used at any point or visible. So cunt with a quiff, oops, cunt with an opinion, oops again, broad with an opinion, FUCK OFF, does this look like an open invite for cunts to congrate?"

I don't care if you wanted it to be an open invite or not. I post to whom I wish. If yelling at a woman makes you feel like a big man, you must be quite insecure (as a man).

Anonymous said...

Cunt with a quiff,

Am I suspose to care about some 666 cocks past her virginity's cunt's feelings? Can you feel the I don't care from this or how do I highlight my lack of it?

Anonymous said...