If there's one thing that pisses me off about modern-day women - and there's not, there's about a trillion things that pisses me off about them, but as the pubs are opening soon and I'm thirsty, I'll just concentrate on one of them - it's their abject horror and seemingly sincere outrage at being labelled goldiggers or parasites.
On a few occasions at my various workplaces, I've been so bold as to suggest that women are basically goldiggers and only interested in money, only to be met with wide-eyed shock and teeth-gnashing fury from the women.
This despite the fact that they've all regularly provided regular evidence to back up my opinion.
I don't know whether it's a sincere case of double-think and hypocrisy, or just a non-too-subtle attempt at diverting male attention away from the obvious truth, but either way, women I encounter just flat out deny any accusation of goldiggerism, even moments after proving me correct.
For example, I once overheard three women at work going on about a certain footballer who is not exactly renowned for his good looks - but who earns about a zillion pounds a week - and they all agreed they would marry him "even though he's ugly" because he's rich.
"You'll get half his fortune when you divorce him," one observed.
There was much nodding in agreement all round.
That same afternoon there was a brief discussion about marriage, and I put forth my opinion that I didn't want to marry, because women are only interested in money, and they only want rich guys so they can divorce them and get half their cash.
There was much tutting, accusations of cynicism and predictable cries of "I would never do that" all round.
Fucking hell. Can't they at least admit it? That they're only interested in a rich man, and they would only love the 'rich' part of him, not the 'man' part?
It's an egregious insult to us men's intelligence that women will swear blind they don't care about how much a man earns or that they would never marry for money, when invariably they state the contrary every waking hour.
It's just as stupidly hypocritical the way many women will denounce us men as useless and nothing more than tiresome burden they want nothing to do with, and yet, in the same breath, will wail with victimised despair at their never-ending spinsterhood.
Bollocks to them all. I'm off to the pub.
Actually, I'd better check with my wife whether it's okay for me to go to the pub. Y'see, she wanted me to take her to Ikea later to this afternoon, she wants a newer and more expensive coffee table, and I'm not sure if I've got enough beer money this month anyway after my wife went overboard with her store-cards this week doing Christmas shopping and...
...oh wait, I've just remembered; I'm not married!
So I can spend the afternoon in the pub if I feel like it without having to ask permission from any-fucking-one.